So done with the semester. It’s always tense with my roommates, I can’t sleep, and Chem labs should be set on fire. Fuck.
As I slip down the pit, I keep reaching for that someone. That genuine connection that could pull me out. People come and go, stop, look, and some brush the arms, but nobody grasps my hand. They pass by like ships in the night, like ghosts of my past, almost as if they were never there at all…
All of the famous musicians and artists now pretty openly do drugs. Do you think Da Vinci and Beethoven also blazed?
Yesterday (Wednesday) and today, the day before my last test before spring break, have been great, beautiful days.
With how flaky people are, the stresses of school and life, and the everyday grind, it’s pretty easy to get down. Often times it seems like everything stacks up at once, and depression is a pretty easy thing to succumb to. It can be easy to focus on the negatives.
I want to focus on the positives. Yesterday I had a job interview with Mortenson and I was incredibly nervous. It turned out to be the best interview, by far, I have ever had. They didn’t ask stupid questions about my weaknesses and strengths. We had a real conversation about my interests and what they were looking for. The sun was shining, and I was shining right there with it. Homework and projects sucked, but it was one of those days where nothing and nobody could get me down.
Today was similar. The weather was more perfect than I’ve seen it in a long time, and the day matched that. Though I’m sitting here studying for my 9am test standing between me and a week of freedom, I feel very much at peace. The food tasted better, the smiles felt better, and the music….
I love meditation, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel right (which is probably the point). But music, music always feels right. When I’m in a good mood and I’m listening to music, I can feel the musician’s soul slowly wash over me and cover me with their intended emotions and ideas. I feel closer to the musician and sound at that moment than anyone in my life. We all feel lonely and disconnected sometimes, but there are many things that are in our control. I can’t get the girl to like me more, and I can’t wish my teachers gave less homework. But I can control how I feel and what I do to affect that emotion, and today, something went very right.
I need to look at the beauty and good things in life rather than seeing the negatives. I want to know that if I died right now, I was surrounded by beauty. And I am. We all are.
OMG I want a Tumblr cause it’s private but I want all my friens to follow me though like my stuff please!
If you’re both going to the same college and want to stay together, you can and you can make it work. I broke up with my gf of 2 years right before college (and admittedly should’ve sooner) but I was happy I did. I didn’t feel restricted when meeting people, I was just able to introduce myself as myself and have a good time.
The thing with relationships and college is, is that once you get to college, everything changes. You (most likely) don’t hang out with the same people or do the same things. You live with new people in a new place with a constant barrage of social interaction and changes. Stress becomes greater and a lot of people really find themselves and their niche in college. There are a lot more temptations and opportunities as well, which can definitely stress any relationship.
If you’re on the fence, I would say break up. You meet so many awesome people in college, and I think it’s honestly probably the best time in life to be single. For the obvious reasons, you can hook up with people or have unrestricted interactions. But on a deeper level, you don’t have to worry about any sort of assumptions when you meet people. It’s a good time do to what you want, when you want, and not really worry about what other people think.
If you’re going to different colleges, I would definitely recommend breaking up. Some select people make it work, but I would say they’re the exception.
That’s just my opinion though, so take it with a grain of salt. Good luck and hmu if you have other questions!
ps the transition to college is going to be weird no matter what. Nobody really knows what’s going on, and you sort of just have to experience it. A breakup won’t add to that, necessarily.
I mean they vary, just like high school. Some people come in with relationships and stick with it, some come in and then break it off. I would say the pretty large majority of people aren’t looking for a solid relationship but just hook up.
I don’t know your personality, but here’s what I would recommend: it’s not going to be easy (necessarily), but meet as many people as you can, as often as you can. Some of the people in my dorms I hesitated to meet at first turned out to be my best friends. And the kids I met first turned out to be douchebags. So I would say any time you have a chance, and I mean ANY (class, waiting in line for lunch, in your dorms, at a club) meet people and introduce yourself.
For my new years resolution last year, I decided to meet someone new every day for 30 days. For the first probably 10 days it was pretty hard, and seemed like I was forcing conversation with the girl in front of me or the kid who lent me a pencil. But after a bit you realize it just easily becomes a part of life, and I would recommend doing that all the time.
This will definitely help with relationships as far as like meeting new people goes and help to branch out more. Unfortunately, as far as I’ve experienced, people seem more flaky in college, but I think that’s because everyone has so much to do and so many options that nailing one thing down can be difficult. For hooking up or dating, I would just say don’t force it. Meet the girls/guys in your dorm and go party with them, and meet people at the party. Just try to have a good time and don’t worry too much about one person because like I said relationships change pretty quickly, especially as a freshman.
Let me know if you have any other questions or need help with anything!
Man, as of late, I’ve been missing a lot of things. I haven’t seen my sister since August when she went to Brazil, and I miss her tons. I haven’t seen friends from home in a long time. I constantly desire going out and playing a good, competitive game of soccer, and I REALLY miss that. Soccer was something I could always count on being good at, and having fun doing. I never realized how much time I put into it and how much relief it gave me. It was always a great way to forget my worries for a few hours and just feel alive. I don’t know if I have something now that makes me feel that way. In control, the rush of happiness and freedom flowing through my veins. A strong sense of purpose in the game.
And maybe that’s what I really miss. A strong sense of purpose and control. Every class is difficult, and getting a handle on them seems impossible. Because of that, I had to quit work, which was my most direct connection to my friends. And the friends that I do have often seem so hit-and-miss, I don’t really know what matters anymore.
Man this shit is hard. I need a good activity to give me some release.
Oh man, it’s pretty different haha. Things that stay the same are…depending on where you go, maybe a few friends, or the state.
Things that change…I mean you live by yourself surrounded by people you don’t know, but should meet. Normally you only have a few classes a day, and you spend a bigger chunk of the day doing homework. The classes are definitely more difficult, and if you struggle or need help you need to be pretty assertive about getting that help. There are hundreds of awesome clubs and things to do. There are lots of parties and activities and if you’re like me you’ll wish you had the time and energy to do more. You’ll lose old friends and make lots of new ones, which can often be a good thing. Depending on where you go, you’ll eventually have to start taking care of yourself a lot as well which kinda sucks if you’re not clean or can’t cook a variety of stuff.
Hmm. Recently, I’ve also been thinking about the psychological changes that happen that don’t seem as immediately prevalent. For example, a strong sense of security, for me. In high school, I had tons of control, I knew what would happen in my classes and could breeze through them, I had a super solid group of friends who had been friends for years, I had sports which I love and family around all the time to take care of me. In college, a lot of that shifts. Classes become seemingly impossible sometimes, friends change a lot and come and go, you always wish you had more time to do stuff or be active, and your family is not around anymore. College is definitely a good realization of how life is really going to be, and as hard or stressful as it can be sometimes, it’s also usually a lot of fun, and you learn just as much in class as you do out of it.
Greek life isn’t bad. I don’t like them, they’re def not for me but I have tons of friends in them.
I’m with you man. I need a change for sure